The Law Of Conservation of Love (Love is never gained or lost, merely transfered. Clever, eh?)

Todays topic? Love.

But not the sappy kind of "oh im in love" post, this is about what happens when... something doesnt work out, or things happen to break people up. Is it possible for love to still exist even when that person might be dating someone else?

I know that you can still love them, sometimes its like a curse.

But is it possible for them to still hold a love for you in their heart, even when they are starting a new love with someone else? This is something that as of late holds big importance in my life.

Not that he is starting something with someone else yet, but it will happen.

And though we arent ever going to say never... that possibility can only come after we have both moved on for awhile and experienced different things.


The only thing im afraid of...ok, not afraid... terrified of.
Is that i'll be pushed into the back of his mind. Not forgotten, because i know he wont ever forget me... but pushed aside and made less important. Not even that though, because it is crucial that we NEVER forget, but learn to form new feelings for other people. Im scared that after awhile, we will both have changed so much that we cant even be friends. All i can do is change, as he changes, and try my hardest to keep this bond, this inexplicable, ineffable, and unmatchable bond we have created living and striving.
Now, i for one can't say that i will feel for anyone the way i felt this summer, for quite some time. I had never felt that before and i will be lucky to feel it again, but i dont think it will happen at the drop of a hat. So for me, moving on is more of an emotional thing. Even if, in the future i havent dated anyone else, i wil have had an oppurtunity to be independent, to not have the ties, emotionally, physically, or personally with him.

And if i decide and he decides we want those ties again, then we can stop pushing the feelings aside, and also reform new ones that werent there before.


Ultimately we could be stronger in the future, something that i can look forward to a chance at happening again, but not base the extent of my future on.
If it happens, it happens.

If it doesnt, it doesnt and i will never forget that summer, that boy, and this love.


But when he does move on, and creates a new feeling with a new girl. Will this summer still be as important a memory to him as it is now? Will he still look back and smile on that oddly eccentric 15 year old girl that "won his heart" and get that warm feeling in his heart? OR will it just be one of those memories that its impossible to forget, but holds no actual meaning.

Only time will tell


Time, the damned thing that started this whole mess will tell the outcome
But i guess i must give time applaus, for at least it gives itself a chance to fix the messes it creates, not many disasters can also be the solutions.


I hope you were able to follow this, it was just a sporadic outpour brought on by a very powerful conversation last night, one where i finally figured out the inevitable, and even though i still wish for that thing that isnt a definite...

Im so happy that he wants me to be a close friend, someone he can share things with and come to when he has problems. I want to be the first person he comes to when somethings not right, hopefully i have not lost love, but lost a boyfriend and gained a best friend.


Love doesnt die, but in this case it was just transfered for awhile to a different kind of relationship, one we both need.



I want to thank him for understanding, and explaining to me.
And telling me that i was in the passengers seat, so i have a chance to buckle up.


Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And thank you to whatever force brought on enough strength in him to realize what he wanted and needed, and is giving me the strength to realize this to.


Here's to the future, and not the promise, but the chance of something wonderful now, and something great in the future.



Only time will tell.

And this concludes our broadcast day, i'll leave you with wisdom from the minds of others. Quotes if you will, from my new obsession, my quote book. (plus one from me)

~ It feels like maybe youve been there so close, this whole time, and that we just kept missing eachother for one reason or another. Or that maybe it wasnt time for us to meet yet. But im glad i found you. - Stephen Gerald Totten

~I hate that this happened, however i dont regret dating you, but whether or not you believe that is up to you. I dont regret our kiss at 7:30 on the 12th at your moms hous on that old comfy couch, i dont regret our first date, i dont regret the notes or poems, or our crazy summer. Im glad it happened, i keep all my memories, and i have all of yours in a pretty box on my nightstand. - Me

~ We all have our good 'ol days tucked away inside our hearts, and we return to them in daydreams like cats to favorite armchairs.

~ Falling in love consists merely of uncorking the imagination, and bottling the common sense

~ Hope is a good thing, maybe even the best of things. And no good thing ever dies - Shawshank redemption

~ You cant be a proper writer without a touch of madness

~ Some people come into your life destined to leave it. You can wrap your arms tight around them, but the best you can hope to do is slow them down a little. Cause theres just no holding on.

~ If pictures have anything to say its this: I was here, i existed, i was young and happy and someone cared enough about me to take my picture. - One Hour Photo

~ All your young lives we search for someone to love... someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if someone, somehow, is perfect... who might be searching for us.

~ Your under no obligation to give me your heart. I gave mine in full and without question and im happy with that, whether you even know or not, that you carry it. - Becca Romano

Crossing Bridges

I hate it when i feel sorry for myself, the whole process is actually quite ridiculous.

You make a mistake, or perchance someone else makes a mistake (though usually when you feel sorry for yourself, it is your own fault.) then you deal with the consequences... right?

WRONG!

Why do we have to deal with all this in between crap? Especially when this in-between crap has lasted for almost 6 months now. 6 months of this and i still come to the same conclusion: Its not right


So, why dont i just stop feeling sorry for myself you ask?
Its really simple... i seem to not have developed the certain hormone, or thought process that lets me move on easily... Tragic, i know. But what can ya do?
Absolutely nothing

I know people who cut things out of their lives, people who seem to be so ready to just move on at the drop of a hat... but i dont want that. I just want to be able to look back at the past and not feel that pang inside that makes it more current than it should be.

Lets explore this idea
This... well, me.


What does kat want?

This statement doesnt concern me anymore because its not about what i want, its more about what everyone else wants and if it coincides with what i want... if not, then too bad.

Its not about what makes me happy, or what would make things easier on me. Which is fine, because (his) ultimate happiness was always my concern, and still is. His ultimate happiness is starting to depend on things outside of my control though... Things that im still not ready to think about fully, but i'll cross that bridge when i come to it.


Thats life i guess, coming to bridges and crossing them.
Crossing your fingers and hoping that the frayed edges you have created, dont choose this exact moment to unravel and send you plunging into the dark abyss... or flaming, boiling, molten lava (if you prefer.)

The only advice i can give, simple things i have picked up along the way:

- Always smile
- Dont drown yourself in the bad things, when you could be swimming in the good
- Wear a life jacket when you cross a bridge (safety first)
- Tie your shoelaces, falling hurts (even falling for someone)
- Never let some one tell you who you should be
- Never love with anything but all you have, someones gonna get hurt.


Thats all my fried brain can come up with.
So i guess for now i'll bid thee adieu. I wonder if anyone reads this...

Oh well, no matter, a place for me to sort my thoughts.

THis concludes our broadcast day. *click*